Yikes!
Current mood: nervous

I just registered for the GRE and I'm feeling kind of weird about it.

All through college, I was rushing through. I was trying to get done as fast as possible, even if it meant working a part-time job or two while taking a full load (or more!) of classes. I graduated with decent grades in 3 1/2 years and was proud of it. I worked so much and spent so little money and had so few semesters that I was able to do it without loans as well. Once again, exceedingly proud of myself. But all the while, I was overworked, severely addicted to caffeine, always tired, and boring. Yes, boring. And when I had occasion to party, I may have partied too hard to compensate, which often lead to unfortunate vomiting incidents and long days of being completely hung over. Nothing new to the average college student, I'm afraid. But I always had my eyes on the prize. I wanted that degree. I wanted to be a college graduate, put it behind me and start my life. I didn't consider that the college experience WAS part of my life and that I should take a little time to enjoy it, experience it fully. Nope, just wanted to get it over with. I always said that once I had that piece of paper, I was free. And I was! I stayed in Minneapolis a while, but then got restless and moved to Alaska for one summer. One summer was all I intended. Then I would get back to Minneapolis and start getting serious about my career. Nope, my summer in Alaska awoke sleeping wanderlust desires and I soon found myself settling affairs in Minneapolis and taking off to Lake Tahoe, back to Alaska, and finally South Korea...just about as far from Minneapolis as I could get. (Don't get me wrong, I love the Utopia of MPLS with all my heart). From Korea to Wisconsin to Ohio to Wisconsin to Arizona, this year has been no different from the years since my graduation. The difference? I'm staying here. At least for a while. I have a job that could easily be a career. I am being groomed to run my own Habitat store. I have a sweet apartment and a serious relationship. I'm content...but there's something in me that, while dormant, is always threatening to erupt. Wanderlust. A desire to try something new. A desire to return to school has emerged. An interest and curiosity about what it would be like to go to college and actually care about more than the piece of paper, the end result. I want to go to Graduate School. To do that, I need to take the GRE.

I HATE standardized tests with a passion. I used to fill my Iowa Basics tests in grade school with patterns. I took my ACTs the day after a late-night strike for the school musical. I swear I was falling asleep the entire time. I couldn't concentrate and only tested out of 1 year of college French after three complete years of French classes in high school. It terrifies me that I just plunked my credit card down for a very expensive computer based test I have little confidence that I can ace. After all, I've been out of school for 5 years. Five. I can't do any sort of math without a calculator, and even then I'm lucky if I get it the first time. I'm petrified. I got a study book from the library and I gave myself a month to practice...but I'm so frightened that I'm sure the book will sit through another renewal on a cozy shelf in the living room. I opened it once, with good intentions. I've not opened it again. Instead, I'm writing a blog and reading a book called "Skinny Bitch" which aims to convert all readers into vegans. Ha! Like any good Wisconsin native could actually give up cheese! Craziness to even read it. The only good thing that came of it was my insistence to try organic, sulfite-free red wine--which, by the way, is fueling this diatribe.

First Impressions
Current mood:waiting

It comes as no surprise to me that it's HOT here. Chris and I were sitting on their back porch talking at around 8:00 this morning and we were sweating. Chris said it felt like a microwave...we had to move to the shade. 8:00 a.m. The next week is supposed to be in the 100's, as is today: moving day. And if I'm sweating at 8:00 a.m., I can't imagine what it will be like to carry boxes up three flights of stairs at noon, when I can pick up the keys. Jamie and Chris won't be joining the moving effort with the trucks until after they get home from work...but lucky me! I don't work. That being said, I'm excited to move in. Kelly and Chris have been excellent hosts, but it's time to settle in somewhere and stop living out of boxes.

Anyways, first impressions. Most of the lawns here are not comprised of grass, but of decorative rocks. Some yards, like Chris and Kelly's, have a small landscaped patch of grass, but I have been seeing a lot of rock lawns with a cactus or tree sticking out of them. The apartment complex I move into today has a lot of bright green grass that must have to be watered all the time, but I'm happy it's there. We also have a small fitness center, business center, free cookies in the office, a few pools...it's nice. Almost resort-like. Peoria, the city where the apartment complex is located, does NOT recycle. At all. Anything. Isn't that disgusting? Gas is much cheaper here that it was in Ohio, Wisconsin, or anywhere else along the drive. Maybe it's gotten cheaper everywhere, but I'm fairly certain I haven't seen $2.61 since before I went to Korea. Job hunting, as always, sucks. I wish I could just have transfered somehow from my job in Ohio to a full-time version of the same job here. Alas, that is not the case and so I search...I search...I search...I email...I curse the "no calls please" notes on job descriptions...I wait...I search...I hope...

Unintended Partying

First of all, thanks to everyone who came out for my birthday.

I'd intended to gather the small group of people that I know in the Cleveland area into Pug Mahones for Happy Hour, but Happy Hour turned into an all night party (as they do.) I've posted a few photos from the evening. After Happy Hour ended, we moved to Two Bucks, a bar where everything is, predictably, Two Bucks. It's also the place where Jamie, Kristen, Jess and I spent much of St. Patrick's Day. I talked to my brother on the phone but remember absolutely nothing of the conversation. I DO remember that Jenny Vosters called me at nearly midnight to tell me that she's engaged!! Congrats, Jenny!

The next morning was a little rough, but I was spending it with Matan, the most adorable little 7-month-old ever. He didn't mind that I wasn't feeling my best. I also had my last afternoon at LEAP. I was training my replacement and trying to finish up all of my paperwork, and was shocked when my boss told me that there was a cake for me in one of the conference rooms. Not only was there a cake, but a small group of people had pitched in to get me a few gifts. I was touched and definitely surprised. Mark, one of my clients, cried and my eyes wouldn't stay dry after I saw the waterworks. Later, I tried to leave while he was busy, but he saw me and followed me out the door saying "Don't leave! Don't leave!" It was difficult, to say the least. Also, my other regular client had called off due to a migraine, so I have to go back and say goodbye to him. I'm not looking forward to another goodbye with Mark.

Today, Jamie and I are taking a day trip to Niagara Falls. We had originally planned to spend a night in Toronto, but unfortunately that's not in the cards for this weekend. We have less than a week to pack up the house, load it into our cars, and clean everything...and while we've known about it for a while, it's a daunting project.

I'm 26. I have to say, I truly enjoyed being 25. And 24. And 23. But soon when someone asks me how old I am, I have to say "26." It just sounds different. I'm not sure I like it. Actually, I don't.

I celebrated my quarter of a century birthday in Korea. My friend Jen held a little chocolate party in her tiny apartment with just a few people in Haeundae, where I lived. Then we got on the subway and went to Gwangan to meet up with friends from my Hapkido gym. I had chosen the little beachside bar with stools that pull up to the bar from the sidewalk. On some evenings after Hapkido, it was usually Adam that would convince me to get a drink, and I'd oblige mostly because I loved that we could be outside and on the beach. I'd never actually been inside. The other plus? They did all sorts of pyrotechnic drinks and bottle twirling. Anyways, my birthday was a tremendously rainy day. Since I'd picked the place without scouting weather reports, we were all crammed inside this quaint building which also happened to have a leaky roof. I'm fairly certain that we didn't stay long before heading to destination #3: Cuba. Cuba was a club in Kyeongsung, a college area. It was my favorite place to go out and remained so until it's doors were closed forever. It was a random mix of foreigners and Korean people that night, but all I remember is dancing, drinking, smiling, and Alan wearing tie-dye, dancing on the pool table!

Twenty-four was a little less exciting. I was in Alaska and for a variety of reasons was having a terrible summer. My wonderful friend, Heather, took me out to dinner at the nicest non-hotel restaurant in Denali, 229. My Uncle Willie unexpectedly showed up to meet some friends as we were leaving and soon we were all drinking champagne together. This was another traveling birthday party, so we drove back into "town" and met some friends at the Lynx, where my coworkers surprised me with a cake. We ended the night by taking a shuttle to the Village bar, the Lucky Miss, and having a drink or two where Jamie could join us just as he was finishing his shift.

Twenty-three was also celebrated in Alaska. It was my first summer, and Jamie and I had just started dating. We had borrowed my brother's truck and driven two hours to Fairbanks to see a few movies just the day before. My chef friend, Jeff, had run a special dessert that day, so I gathered my brother and a few friends to have dessert on the deck of the hotel where we worked, overlooking the Nenana River. I'm sure we went out after that, probably to the Lynx, but all I really remember from that birthday is sitting on the Chalet deck with friends. I think I was sitting between my brother and Chris Buck.

Twenty-two was low-key as well. I'd just been through a bad breakup and hadn't felt like being out, but luckily I have great friends in Minneapolis who pushed for me to do something. We met for Italian food at Buca and had a few drinks downtown after. It was an early night, but nice. I just remember that Zack Huber had been planning to meet us, but was running late. We were intermittently on the phone, and I think he ended up at a different Buca. That night, I also took a photo of my friend Kimberly and her boyfriend, Andy, and it later became their engagement photo.

I didn't go crazy on my 21st like some. The night before, Billie Jo and I had gone to the Lagoon for a late indie film and had a drink shortly after midnight at a bar nearby. It wasn't planned, but when the movie ended at midnight it just seemed to fit. We went out in downtown Minneapolis on the actual night of my birthday and I remember walking across the bridge late at night towards home near St. Anthony Main (I LOVED that apartment!). I had to meet my then-boyfriend Rien's parents the very next day, but it went well. After all, I double skunked his dad in cribbage.

A True Short Story
Current mood: silly

On Tuesday of this week, I was yelled at by one of my favorite clients and I had to give him a written warning and have a meeting with him about it prior to the end of the shift. He tends to be moody and wear his emotions proudly no matter what they may be, but he also tends to have a short memory. Generally, his bad days are uncomfortable, but he comes in bright and smiley the following day. Given that the incident took place on July 3rd, and I obviously wouldn't see him again until July 5th, I had hoped that all would return to normal. No so.

He arrived on Thursday in a particularly foul mood. Let's just say he had his crabby pants on. He ignored me most of the day, answering only when necessary and in single-word responses. I won't lie, it stung a bit to have my former buddy treat me so coldly, but I smiled at him, treated him with kindness and respect, and kept telling myself that this too would pass.

At the very end of the shift, I was talking to a coworker at the back of the office and my buddy came back and started pacing. He said "Emily, I did somethin real bad today." Kept pacing. "It's ok, let's talk about it. Whatever it is, we can figure it out," was my reply. More pacing. Dead serious look on his face. I realize I'm holding my breath.

"I came to work drunk today." I think my heart skipped a beat and I know I stopped breathing. He had a drug and alcohol problem years ago, but has been clean. I have no idea what to say. My mind is racing, my heart is pounding and as I open my mouth hoping that something uplifting and brilliant will come out...

He breaks into a smile and says "gotcha!"

(Mostly Pictures) Peru and Bolivia

A few days ago, we flew over the mysterious Nazca Lines etched into the desert floor hundreds of years ago. Now, Jamie and I are at our final destination before heading home. We find ourselves staying our final few nights in a tiny town built literally on a lagoon oasis in the desert called Huacachina. We hiked up sand dunes yesterday and walked the thin ridge high above the tiny town, with steep drop offs to each side. Last night was a futile hunt for any location playing the NBA Finals, as Jamie´s beloved Cavs were playing...and while there were a few watering holes willing to change the TV channel to sports stations, they were all predictably showing soccer. So it goes. Turns out they lost anyway...so he didn´t miss much! Better luck next time. We´re planning to go out on some dune buggies later today and tomorrow we´re off to the Islas Ballestas, also known as the ¨poor man´s Galapagos.¨ From there, to Lima and the airport.

From Peru

Current mood: excited

Well, we are here! The flights were on time and customs was easy. We spent a few nights in Lima, where (despite not knowing the language) the scariest experience was definitely the roads. As a bus, collective, or taxi passenger...even just crossing the street was an adventure like Frogger only knows. We took it easy in Lima, walking around, taking in a zoo with three large sections of Peruvian animals, checking out a National museum on some sort of special free day...and trying the food. The food is good so far and it has not been a problem for us to avoid red meat, as chicken is the main dish most of the time. The most advenurous menu item thus far is ceviche--basically a pile of raw fish marinated with lemon and chili, served on a slice of yucca. I liked it a lot and I can see myself ordering it in the future; Jamie already has had it twice.

We arrived in Cusco yesterday and tomorrow at the crack of dawn, our Machu Picchu adventure will begin. We have our trek briefing in just a few hours. We hope it was a good idea, but we packed up just one pack with our gear for the hike and we plan to store our other pack for the duration of the trek. That way, we could keep the weight down and we can take turns carrying the pack. Without the sleeping bags and pads, it actually is lighter than I had expected.

The big bummer? I charged two camera batteries just prior to the trip, but the first time I turned on my camera, one battery had only one bar. So, less than a week into the trip it met its demise. I am hoping and crossing my fingers that the fate of the first will not be that of the second and that it will make it to Machu Picchu at least. After that, maybe a disposable camera is in our future. So it goes.

Other than a slight touch of altitude sickness (or something we ate), everything is going well here, beautiful sunny days around 70 degrees...not bad for a fall-winter day here in the Southern Hemisphere! I am looking forward to starting the trek tomorrow and ending this weekend at a hot springs.

consumerdale
Current mood: optimistic

Have you ever been in a mall after it closed? I remember once, well over a decade ago, when my girl scout troop stayed overnight in one. But that was an event...there were activities and quite a few girls and chaperones running around at all hours. In a way, it didn't seem like it was after hours at all.

During my first week in my new job, and again tonight, the venue: Parmatown Mall, after close. It's a little creepy...all the stores are closed, no shoppers, no employees, no mall walkers...but the horrid ambient mall-music persists. A handful of janitors appear in the cafe court from a small hallway leading to the mysterious back room and begin to stack the chairs on the tables. Mop buckets and dry mops materialize. A pregnant supervisor sipping a Pepsi rolls in on a motorized floor buffer and the crew disperses to their individual tasks. I had to fight the urge to explore the elaborate Easter Bunny stage and carousel, as I was there on the clock. I'm told this crew works steadily until 1:30 a.m. each night, but in my previous shifts and also tonight, I will not be there to see it.

Days like today are the strangest scheduling. It's the same amount of hours that most full-time employees in just about any field work, but I start at 9:30 in the morning and finish around midnight. This isn't typical, but it's not unexpected, either. I haven't given up my morning nanny jobs yet, so drive to the east side to begin work at 9:30. I generally have about an hour to find something to eat for lunch, go for a walk, or run errands. Then, I go to the office to supervise an enclave of two men from 2:30-5:00. Tonight, I will also be at the mall starting at 9:30 p.m. I'll get home at midnight. I get to repeat this schedule tomorrow as well.

It's not that I mind the strange hours, it's just that I never know when I'll have evening clients or where I'll have to go to meet them. It's a strange field, but a rewarding job.

Next week will bring a new member to the enclave I supervise, and in preparation, I will attend a meeting on how to de-escalate situations with the new client. He's a double felon, but his offenses occurred decades ago; the first happened before I was born. I'm not worried, I actually excited for the challenge.

Docudrama
Current mood: pensive

One of the highlights of my year in Busan was attending the International Film Festival. Lucky for me, an International Film Festival also appears in Cleveland, OH each year and today marked the beginning of the 31st annual occurrence. After Jamie finished work and I finished volunteering at Habitat for Humanity, we went to the gym, ate some quick Chipotle, and headed downtown to catch an American film, A Map for Saturday. It was a documentary filmed by a twenty-something who had a prosperous job in New York City, but gave it all up for an around-the-world ticket and a year abroad. As it was the world premiere, after the film we were able to attend a Q and A with the director/writer/star of the film. He was not unlike anyone I've met on my travels, and in fact would fit right in with my traveling cohorts. His described difficulty adapting back to American life mirrors my own current state. Fortunately for him, he made a documentary which is just starting its film festival tour, and will make an appearance on MTV later this year. He mentioned an upcoming trip to Africa in the works. As for me, I am in Cleveland...volunteering, babysitting, taking advantage of the libraries...and wondering what will happen next.

Previous to the viewing of this film, which brought back countless memories and familiar feelings, I spent a portion of my day in the Habitat truck. One of the Assistant Managers, and also I feel I can say my friend, Frank and I were picking up donations and having rather serious conversations from the completely unusual weather to his brother's Leukemia and impending bone marrow transfusion. A conversation we had at the bar a few weeks ago has prompted Frank to strongly consider taking up martial arts again, which obviously pleased me. Then the conversation took an interesting turn...Frank began to describe his former employment. Before Habitat for Humanity, he worked for several companies that helped disabled, disturbed, and otherwise disadvantaged people enter or re-enter the workforce. I was fascinated by his description of this work, and these organizations. Could it be that there's a reason for the wide variety of jobs I've held? This could be the beginning of something for me. A real way to make a living helping other people. A way to use the experiences of working dozens of disconnected jobs...a liability on my resume usually, but would actually work in my favor for this sort of work. I can't describe how interested I am in learning more about these organizations. I might really be on to something.

What next, locusts?

It was brought to my attention that in the past three days, Ohio has seen an earthquake, a tornado, a 68 degree day, a thunderstorm, and snow.

I have a headache.

Valentine's Day Blizzard

11.5 inches of snow fell on Lakewood from the afternoon of February 13th and continued periodically throughout the next day. There was one school out of hundreds that remained open that day and that school--not the fact that hundreds closed--was the story.

11.5 inches of snow sat in the driveway, drifting in the backyard. Only Jamie was adventurous to attack the long driveway with a shovel. I busied myself with making food and staying warm. My divine retribution for not pitching in?? I shoveled at Habitat for Humanity today because the guy they pay to plow missed a few key spots. (Hello, the garage? The doorway to the ReStore??) And, when we had just finished shoveling and had gotten the van out of the garage, they finally got the Bobcat to work.

11.5 inches of snow and the city was basically at a standstill. The roads, a full day later, are still not completely cleared. It's just getting colder, so the snow is in no danger of melting.

11.5 inches of beautiful, white, powdery, crystalline snow, causing accidents and massive delays. It took me an hour to get to the other side of town today. It usually takes me half that amount of time.

11.5 inches and the drifts are higher than my car. If ever there was a day to pull on a snowsuit and build a fort, the past few days were prime. But sadly, my snow pants were ruined and disposed of in Tahoe in 2005. I'm not brave enough to play in the snow and cold without them.

Today
Current mood: restless

I meet new residents from the halfway house near Habitat for Humanity each week, and sometimes work right along side them. Sometimes they tell me their life stories, or an edited version. Sometimes they're very quiet. I don't ask, I don't pry. As much as I'd like to make some friends in the Cleveland area, something tells me that most of the people I meet at Habitat and I have little in common. However, I do enjoy working with most of them and hearing the stories they deem shareable. Last week, I met a very polite and shy guy who told me he used to clean the windows on the big downtown high rises and described to me what it felt like to be rappelling 80 stories above the street. It sounded scary, and I'd never really given thought to what it must be like to have that job before that conversation.

Sometimes, I'm kept very obviously separate from the guys from the halfway house...today was one of those days. I didn't ask, but I noticed. I actually thought it was odd, because I had met one of them a few weeks previous. The other guy seemed nice enough, from the little I saw him. Regardless, I was kept very closely under the watch of one of the full-time employees at all times. At one point, I discovered that the other guy, not much older than myself, had previously made his living my kicking in the doors of known drug dealers in the middle of the night, putting a gun to their heads, and stealing their money. Not to worry, if they're coming from the halfway house then they're in recovery. We were just cautioned not to talk about how much money the place pulls in on Saturdays. It's interesting to consider though, given my somewhat less destructive and more legal choices, that I could still be standing right next to this person, chatting about where he left his work gloves.

The Chandelier

I've been living in Lakewood, OH for just over three weeks. I started volunteering for Habitat for Humanity within a week from my move. Each Thursday, I drive to the sketchy side of town and do manual labor all day. And I love it.

It's a major departure from the life I've always known. I've never had to worry about having a comfortable place to live. I've never even had to think about non-necessities. My father is skilled at woodworking, even though it's just a hobby for him. From the time I learned to talk up until last month, if I've wanted a shelf for my collectibles or a rack to hang my Hapkido belts, all I've ever had to do was mention it. I wouldn't see my father around the house as much for a few days and suddenly I'd have whatever I asked for, handcrafted specifically for me. We never had to scavenge for furniture (although the three of us kids may or may not have chosen to do so since moving out).

I work at the Greater Cleveland Habitat for Humanity's ReStore. Built in the brick and wooden shell of an old brewery's horse stables, it is a place where donated materials are sold to people who are looking to improve their house. The materials can come from houses about to be demolished, people making major renovations, churches, restaurants, stores...anywhere. They carry plumbing, furniture, carpeting, decorations...anything in usable condition. The store is only open for a few hours each Saturday, but the week is spent collecting donations and preparing for the sale. When I arrive at the ReStore, there is generally a truck to unload and a pair of other volunteers who do most of the heavy lifting, although I help! I spend hours cleaning and arranging cabinet sets in the kitchen section. I've vacuumed carpets, scrubbed sinks, and sorted little pieces of plumbing materials that I can't even identify. But last week was different. Even by Thursday, there were less donations than usual. No truck to unload and not a single cabinet set. I walked around the various storage spaces in the massive brick buildings with the ReStore manager, looking for items that had been stored in busier weeks. We did this until lunchtime. After, I was given a bucket of ammonia water, several soft cloths, q-tips, spare pieces of decorative glass in a ziplock bag, and a chandelier in a box.

We hung the chandelier so it was about shoulder-high. Then, I spent the next two and a half hours cleaning and detailing. Each piece of glass, each curved piece of golden metal needed individual attention. Some of the pieces of glass needed to be repositioned. Some were missing, and replacements had to be found in the ziplock bag of spares, or rebuilt from similar pieces. It was one of the most rewarding projects I've completed in recent memory. A chandelier. I wish I could see where it ends up, whose house it will decorate. I might never know, but I hope they like it. And I hope they like spending hours cleaning it...

Moving Day
Current mood: content

I arrived back in the US of A on December 23rd of 2006. Today, the 11th of January, 2007, marks my last day in Wisconsin for, well, a while. I'm moving to Ohio.

I've gotten a lot of "who moves to Ohio?" since I began spouting about my plans. I'm moving to Ohio because that's where Jamie has been for the past year while I've been in Korea. He's nearly finished with graduate school and I intend to spend some time in the same country, state, city, house as Jamie after a year apart.

No, I don't have a job yet...but I've applied to a few and I've still got my Korean pension coming...so I'm not worried. I do have a new cell phone with a Cleveland number and a fancy new laptop that arrived just today. My car has been patiently waiting for me in my parents' garage and I've gone through a bunch of stuff that was left in my closet for an entire year. Much of it went to Goodwill. The rest is in boxes, bins, and a suitcase, waiting to be packed safely in my car for tomorrow's long drive.

I'm looking forward to a little temporary stability, but I'm not looking forward to the 10-hour drive that awaits me in the morning.